Dr. Paul Conti, Marie Kondo, and happiness

A colleague mentioned Dr. Paul Conti recently. As a psychiatrist, Dr. Conti emphasizes that a key component of happiness is the balance between agency and gratitude. He suggests that when individuals have a sense of agency, i.e. the ability to make choices and take meaningful actions in their lives, paired with a practice of gratitude for the positive aspects of their experiences, it can lead to increased levels of happiness and well-being.

Dr. Paul Conti; Image from Pacific Premir Group, PC

It struck me that this is basically the KonMari Method™! Marie Kondo encourages us to intentionally shape our own lives, make decisions that align with our values, and take control of our circumstances. This sense of control and autonomy can contribute to a greater sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. It isn’t just about decluttering – sure, we should only keep objects that spark joy, but this is all in pursuit of kurashi, or ideal lifestyle. Curating our homes can help curate the life we want to lead.

Marie Kondo; Photo courtesy of KonMari Media, Inc.

Additionally, practicing gratitude involves acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of life (including objects, at least in Shintoism), even in the midst of challenges or difficulties. Cultivating a mindset of gratitude, or even mindfulness, can help individuals focus on what they have rather than what they lack, fostering a sense of contentment and happiness. I also love looking for glimmers, or small moments to appreciate.

Overall, Dr. Paul Conti's work, as well as Marie Kondo’s, emphasizes the importance of finding a balance between taking action to create the life you desire (agency) and recognizing and appreciating the good things that already exist in your life (gratitude). Both are key ingredients for experiencing happiness and well-being.

Conclusion

This post is part of a series on my trip to Japan.

Japan is beautiful, culturally rich (I mean, they have Shintoism, samurais, and Hello Kitty?), very safe, and has great public transit; it’s much more affordable than I thought; the people are very nice and helpful with tourists. I loved visiting all those temples and speaking with monks!

Photo courtesy of KonMari Media, Inc.

In Marie Kondo’s own words about our retreat, “these experiences may provide you with a new perspective to understand the ‘why’ behind the KonMari Method.” And I feel like that is true! It goes beyond just noticing glimmers and appreciating the moment – living a life with kurashi means intentionally building your life around what you want. You don’t just appreciate the smell of coffee, you actively make a ritual out of preparing your morning cup, every day.

Kurashi roughly translates to “way of life” or “lifestyle” and is an integral part of the KonMari® Method. Yes, a Certified KonMari® Consultant can certainly help you tidy your home, but it’s more than that, it’s helping you achieve your ideal lifestyle.  For example, my most recent tidying festival client wanted a comfortable spot to sit and read. She did have a comfortable chair, but it was covered in clothes, and there were piles of stuff all around it, making it inaccessible. I helped her pare back on the clothes so that everything fit on hangers or in drawers, and we decluttered the floor and the rest of the room. Now, she has much more empty space – not because she didn’t like her stuff, but because her stuff was getting in the way of the life she wanted!

It's also been pointed out to us by Tiffany Gozali, the Director of the Consultant Program, that how we feel about monks is how our clients feel about their KonMari® Consultant. You see, we had the opportunity to speak with several Buddhist monks during this trip, and many in our group, myself included, felt drawn to them and wanted to spend more time with them. Was it their energy? Some sort of impalpable aura? The interesting conversations? The fact that they seem to have it all figured out, like they have reached enlightenment? And that is how many people feel the same way about their KonMari® consultant! That is what we represent to clients who are beginning their tidying journey. I hadn’t seen it that way up until then, but it makes some sense! Let me know what you think in the comments.

Seminar

This post is part of a series on my trip to Japan.

The last highlight of my trip to Japan was the exclusive weekend seminar, during which we got to meet Marie Kondo herself! I’m obviously not allowed to discuss the contents of the presentations we attended, but one thing I will note is how Marie Kondo said that when she gives a speech, there are often moments when she purposely “makes silence”, and Western orators aren’t used to that. It was possibly a language issue, she might have meant that she is silent, but the way it came out was very on point – she consciously makes silence occasionally, to feel the room and appreciate the moment. This is useful in so many other contexts!

The first morning was limited to the two-dozen-or-so attendees from KonMari International (that’s us!), and we had presentations by Marie Kondo, Takumi Kawahara (her husband), and Narimasa Kasuya (who works for KonMari). After lunch, we were joined by consultants from KonMari Japan, and it was really fun talking with them and getting to know them! We talked about the differences in the way we conduct sessions, then had a calligraphy lesson. The KMJ Consultants were very helpful to us KMI Consultants who had no experience with traditional Japanese calligraphy! Marie Kondo joined us toward the end to calligraph 喜 (ki), the character meaning “joy”; we got to calligraph that one on a nice piece of cardboard to take home.

Photo courtesy of KonMari Media, Inc.

We then had photo opportunities, and I got my copy of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up signed. We then headed to a dinner/mixer with the local consultants. Where I am an introvert, Marie Kondo is a super-introvert – she basically came in the room, said hi, did her thing, said goodbye, and left, because that was all the people-ing she could handle. Meanwhile, Takumi is an extrovert, a very friendly guy, and he actually had a beer with us that evening. Something else that stood out to me was that even the Japanese consultants said that to them, Marie Kondo is kawaii – cute!

The second day was again restricted to KMIs; we had two more seminars about running the business side of things, then round-robin table talks to recap what we had learned and take it further. Marie Kondo and Takumi Kawahara joined us for these, which we hadn’t expected. I ended up sitting right nest to Marie Kondo for one of those talks, and I’m glad to report that even though I was not my most eloquent self, at least I did not pass out, so there’s that.

Photo courtesy of KonMari Media, Inc.

At the end of the day, Marie Kondo surprised us again by asking us to play a game of janken, or rock-paper-scissors, saying that the winner would get a prize. From where I was sitting, I could see what the prize was – her calligraphed “joy” character! We all stood up (she, on a chair), and whenever someone was eliminated, they sat down. My first two plays were lucky guesses, but they strategy kicked in. In the end, it was me against my new friend Jenna Carlsson, and… I won! I now have that Marie Kondo original framed in my office, where I look at it every day, and it does bring me joy.

Photo courtesy of KonMari Media, Inc.

Our last evening together was spent having a celebratory dinner on a yakatabune, or restaurant boat, that took us around the harbor so that we did some sightseeing in addition to eating several courses again. It was a great way to cap off the retreat and seminar.

Ise-Shima

This post is part of a series on my trip to Japan.

DAY 3

We took the train to Ise-Shima, and from the train station, a private bus the rest of the way. We had a beautiful lunch at Ise Todaya Ryoan, which we found out upon leaving had a Michelin star!

We first visited a netsuke shop. A netsuke is a small wooden object to which a purse string is tied, and it allows the purse to be fastened to a kimono belt (kimonos don’t have pockets). Netsukes can take any shape, and it takes anywhere between a day and a few weeks to carve one, depending on how intricate you want it to be. There was an apprentice there who had been learning for 6 months, on a government grant. The top netsuke carver was truly a master of his craft!

Our second stop was to Futami Okitama Shrine. It is famous for a pair of rocks said to be the Wedded Rocks. The rope stretching between the rocks represents a gateway, and the whole thing faces East, so that in summer, the sun rises between the rocks. This location is also a traditional purification stop before visiting Ise Shrine, which was our next destination. There are a lot of frog statues because the frog is the deity of safe travels – it was meant to bring the sailors home safely. We did get a bit of free time in the gift shop, where I got one of those fish pedicures (the sensation of the fish nibbling at my feet was delightful!) and bought a few treats (Japan has wonderful delicacies).

We then went to Ise Shrine (Geku, or outer perimeter). It is dedicated to Amaterasu, the sun goddess as well as the ancestor of the imperial family, and is one of the most important shrines in Japan. The entire Ise Shrine contains something like 88,000 temples and 78,000 shrines, along with thousand-year-old trees!

Most of the structures there are torn down and rebuilt every 20 years. This makes for a clean slate, getting rid of impurities and starting anew. It also allows the training of apprentices, who then can practice their craft while the masters are still there to hand down their knowledge. (Most of these temples are made without a single nail, essentially functioning as giant wooden jigsaw puzzles.)

Finally, we checked in to our ryokan, the beautiful Kashikojima Hojoen, where we were served a very elaborate kaiseki ryori dinner. One of the dishes was a live abalone – to be fair, it was cooked right at the table before it was deemed ready to eat, but I don’t like seafood to begin with, so I left that one dish alone. I turned in right after that because we had a very early start the next day! (Honestly, I wanted to go to the onsen, but swimming in the nude was just a touch too far out of my comfort zone.)

DAY 4

We left the ryokan at 6am and had breakfast on the bus. Our first stop was the inner Ise Shrine (Naiku), which is of particular significance for Marie Kondo and her husband, Takumi Kawahara, who pray there to seek guidance for important life decisions and events. And who surprised us at the entrance? The couple themselves! We took some time to thank them for arranging this tour and we took some group shots.

We then visited the shrine, which is in a beautiful setting. We were also invited to watch a special dance performed by the miko and geki (female shrine maidens and their male counterparts) as they presented offerings to the deity. We also got to talk with a local monk, who explained that in Shintoism, there is no one god because everything is god. A rock, a cloud, a blade of grass, a person, all are deities and considered equal. The monks are also open to anyone, people of all faiths, visiting their shrines and temples.

There are about 700 monks who works there. One constant task is the preparing, and 6-times-daily-delivering, of food offerings to the deity.

Then, a monk performed a goma ceremony on the riverside for us – it is meant to dispel negative energy and detrimental thoughts. The monk burns wood to heat up dry grains of rice in a barrel-like contraption, and once they get hot enough, the escaping steam creates a sound as it escapes. We each got to take home some of the rice afterward!

Finally, we had some free time for lunch (local specialties include soft udon noodles, Matsusaka beef, and a pastry with mochi on the inside and red bean paste on the outside – the reverse of what I am used to!) as well as shopping (seriously, lots of wonderful artisans in the area!). We then made our way to the train station, from which we went to Nagoya and took the Shinkansen to Tokyo. I made sure to sit on the left side so that I could get a good look at Mount Fuji! We made it to our hotel in the early evening.

Kyoto

This post is part of a series on my trip to Japan.

 Getting to Japan from San Antonio was a little less complicated than I thought, since there is a direct flight from Dallas to Tokyo, so I “only” had a total of three flights. During my last layover (in Tokyo), I met up with two more KonMari Consultants, and we flew together to Osaka, from where we took the bus to Kyoto and, finally, a taxi to our hotel. I said a quick hello to my roommate, took a shower, and went straight to bed!

DAY 1

Tuesday morning (May 21st), we met with our wonderful guide, Aki-san, who explained that Kyoto was the capital of Japan for about 1,000 years and is still considered the cultural capital of the country. Our first stop was Kinkaku-ji Temple, whose main pavilion is covered in gold leaf.

We then had a private vegetarian lunch prepared by monks at Sennyu-ji Temple. This was our first traditional Japanese meal, with lots of little dishes arranged in a bento box, and it was a great experience! We were encouraged to eat mindfully, focusing on our food, its taste and texture, rather than getting distracted by each other. After lunch, we had some fascinating conversations with Kenmei, a very personable white Esoteric Buddhist monk originally from Florida.

For those who are curious, Kenmei’s journey to Buddhism started when he was in the 8th grade, and another kid at his school self-immolated in front of him. This traumatic event opened his eyes to what other people are going through – to this other kid, the flames must have been less painful than what he was going through. From there, Kenmei started reading up on various life philosophies, from Stoicism to Buddhism, and ended up at his local Buddhist community center. Eventually, they gave him a scholarship to their university in Taiwan, and then based on his beliefs, he was assigned to an Esoteric Buddhist shrine in Japan. Since Sennyu-ji Temple hosts members of the imperial family as well as ambassadors and various dignitaries, they decided that it would be helpful to have “the white monk” who speaks English, so much like in a sports team, he was traded for two of their monks!

He now translates ancient texts from Sanskrit into English, to help pave the way for other Western monks. He once meditated for 4 days straight (and his master for 7!), which shows mastery over oneself. When he first started training as a monk, he would go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 2am to start his day. (At this point, thanks to jet lag, I was indeed sleeping like a monk myself!) He has a cell phone, which he uses to text other monks within the monastery and to keep in touch with his family – he even has an Instagram account.

Kenmei gave us a tour of the temple, including the 400-year-old garden in which they meditate by moonlight. (Even if the moon is not visible in the sky on a given month, its reflection will be visible in the pond of the garden.) He emphasized interconnectedness, trying to understand where other people are coming from, and having love and compassion for all beings. All of this gives us purpose.

We then went to Fushimi Inari Shrine, which is specifically dedicated to the cultivation of rice, but is now generally worshipped for a plentiful harvest and success in business. There are fox statues everywhere, because foxes helped keep the mouse population down, which in turn protected the rice harvest. This place is known for its senbon torii, or thousand vermillion red gates. It’s a shade I would call deep orange, meant to ward off evil.

Torii gates symbolize the passage from our everyday world to the divine world on the other side. You must enter them on the left or right, because only deities walk down the center, and you bow before stepping through. You can make wishes with the intention for them to pass through the gates, or leave some inscribed on pieces of wood at the shrine itself. You can also write down thoughts you want to let go of on pieces of paper and leave them to be burnt at the shrine.

Our second-to-last stop of the day was the Komyo-in Temple, where we split into two groups. First, my group spoke with a Buddhist monk, who taught us zazen meditation, in which you keep your eyes half open. The setting was a tatami room next to a beautiful garden. The monk told us to simply accept the background noise. Don’t look for perfect silence – if you hear a bird or a chainsaw or a tourist yelling, it just is; let it go.

Then we went to an adjacent room for a tea ceremony, in which matcha tea was expertly prepared, one cup at a time. Since matcha is bitter, it was served with a sweet chocolate mochi pastry. Yoshie, the woman leading the ceremony and preparing the tea one serving at a time, is an expert at her craft, and was very much in the moment, taking her time and focusing all of her attention on her task. You could tell she really loved transmitting her culture to us!

We started talking about the phrase ichi-go, ichi-e, which means “one time, one meeting”. This moment is a once-in-a-lifetime experience and will never happen again, so we must appreciate it for what it is. This is true of most gatherings, really – even if you manage to get the same people together again in the same location, it will be different.

We then regrouped to talk with the landscaper who had designed the garden, Makoto Kitazawa; he is already such an expert at the age of 26, having apprenticed since the age of 15. He even dreams that he is a rock! He will be working on a garden in Los Angeles later this year.

Finally, we had a multi-course dinner in the Gion district, during which an 83-year-old geisha serenaded us for 20 minutes. We also saw a geisha outdoors, and the contrast between her traditional garb and her smartphone was jarring to me! Geishas start training at 15 years old (miko) and become geiko (“real” geishas) at 20; the oldest geisha is currently 92 years old.

DAY 2

We started with a personalized tour of Kiyomizu-dera, starting in a room where President Obama was once received. The temple is on Mount Otowa, so it has beautiful views of Kyoto. Our tour guide, Eigen Onishi, is a third-generation monk who was born right in that temple (though he took a detour to the States for a few years before making his way back to Japan and, eventually, the temple).

We were given sweet rice crackers and tea made with holy water, then we got to see an amazing room that is not generally open to the public. It is about three stories tall, built with an open well in the front and a platform near the top at the back (where we were). The walls are covered with over 4,000 carvings of Buddha, and the bottom floor has a design of his footprints as well as an altar. We dropped paper petals to represent our wishes, and it was magical to see them cascade to the ground below and scatter on the altar and footprints. We moved on to a short meditation in a beautiful garden.

The monk talked about how we perceive time. As we age, the space that our past occupies gets bigger and the future comes at us more quickly. You’ve noticed how years go by more quickly then when you were younger, right? Being in the moment helps us not worry too much about either the past or the future. However, the best preparation for the future is to use our past experience to make our potential future bigger, which then squeezes the present moment into a smaller portion. (Obviously I haven’t mastered that part. I’m all about learning from our experiences and making choices that will bring us closer to our ideal lifestyle. I feel satisfied with that.) He also used the expression tadaima, which literally translates to “right now” but which to him means “I am here, in peaceful harmony with another, in the moment.”

If there are two things that the monk wanted us to take away from this encounter, it is that 1) nothing is independent (meaning that we are all interconnected), and 2) nothing is permanent (this too shall pass, the good as the bad). Take the example of a delicious meal – we can, and should, enjoy it, but we will inevitably be hungry again the next day. Also, the meal cannot happen on its own; not only is it better enjoyed with others, but you need everyone working together to grow, harvest, transport, and prepare the food. Even though everything is impermanent, we can cherish moments and bring them to mind again in the future.

We then visited the temple itself, which is built on a high platform overlooking a natural spring. (Thanks to Duolingo, I knew that “mizu” meant water, and it turns out that “kiyo” means pure.) The platform is 12 meters high, and in the Edo period, people would jump from it to prove their faith – if they survived, it was because their inner Buddha had saved them (though it should be said that there are a lot of trees below as well!). Apparently, 85% of people who jumped survived. It gave birth to a common expression in Japanese, “to jump off the stage at Kiyomizu” which means to take the plunge or take a risk. Fun fact: Ryokei Wajo, the previous master monk who oversaw the recent restoration of the temple, lived to be109 years old!

We went into the main hall to see the naijin, or inner sanctuary, from which we could see the statues in the nainaijin, or innermost sanctuary. There is a box there that is opened only every 33 years. The temple is dedicated to Kannon, a deity that can appear in 33 different forms and can answer any prayer; the name comes from kan (subjectivity) and non (objectivity).

We had some free time for lunch, which allowed us to do some souvenir shopping as well. We then made a quick pit stop at the hotel and got on a private bus to Nara. Our visit there started with more free time, which we obviously spent with the local deer! They come down from the mountain each day and hang out in the park, waiting for tourists to feed them. They have learned to bow to people, which usually gets them food because people think it’s adorable!

The highlight in Nara was our visit to Todai-ji Temple, which has the tallest bronze Buddha statue in the world (15 meters and 50 tons). Each curl of his hair was the size of a human head, and each finger was 1 meter long. The base was built roughly 800 years ago; the body, about 400 years ago; and the head, about 200 years ago (the original versions were destroyed in fires). The temple itself is huge, and has enough building material to make 3,000 houses! We got the VIP treatment and got to go up close to the statue (no photos allowed), and the monk who was guiding us was so pleased with how attentive we were that he invited us to touch the base of the statue! It is shaped like a lotus, because that beautiful flower blooms out of mud. This symbolizes that Buddha can help you bloom despite your impurities.

This monk loved telling stories, like the allegory of the long spoons (but with long chopsticks), to symbolize that the world is a better place when we all take care of one another. He also told us a story of how a family’s dog died – the little boy was very sad to lose him; the father was angry because he thought the dog breeder had concealed some defect; and the neighbor was relieved that he would no longer hear barking. The point was that every reaction has merit and is right; the important thing is to understand where others are coming from and to accept them (interestingly, understanding was more important than empathy here).

In essence, Shintoism is the act of accepting nature; Buddhism is changing one’s mindset so as to minimize suffering and reach contentment (rather than happiness). So Buddhism is really living with oneself. That being said, we are not living alone; we are at the mercy of all living things. Shintoism is a way of life, while Buddhism is a faith (because of Buddha).

We had dinner at the hotel that night and prepared for departure the next day.

KonMari Retreat and Seminar 2024 (Japan)

I just came back from an amazing trip to Japan which was mostly business and, also, all pleasure. The first four days were a retreat during which we visited various sites in Japan to learn about the cultural foundations of the KonMari® Method. We then had two days of seminar in Tokyo, during which we met Marie Kondo. I followed that up with two days on my own, to visit Kamakura and Tokyo.

Would it sound trite to say this trip was life-changing? I mean, not only were we immersed in Japan, learning about history, culture, religion, and food, but we also formed new friendships with other consultants from all over the world! We had such good camaraderie that when a monk asked us how often we get together like this, he was blown away to learn that we had only met 24 hours prior! Then we talked shop, but also got to meet Marie Kondo herself on a few occasions, which was very exciting.

I’ve decided I will break up the retelling of this trip into a few posts, and within each, I will highlight certain themes that are relevant to the KonMari® Method. I hate the word “bespoke” but that is really what this trip was! I mean, how often do you have a tour guide thank you for allowing her to visit places to which even she had never been allowed access before? And monks thank you for being so open and attentive by letting you touch a Buddha statue that is hundreds of years old and which most people can’t even approach? This was a trip that had 2 or 3 highlights each DAY, as opposed to 2 or 3 over the whole trip!

Photo courtesy of KonMari Media, Inc.

Thanks to the team at KonMari, especially Takumi Kawahara (Marie Kondo’s husband and cofounder of KonMari Media, along with Kazuma Yamauchi and Marie herself), who seemed to be friends with all the monks and very well connected in general – many of the special access we got was thanks to him.

As I mentioned, we were about 20 consultants who have now bonded over these new experiences. These are genuinely good people, and if you want recommendations for KonMari® Consultants in, say, Boise or Seattle or the Bay Area, or in Japan, I now have solid referrals for you!

The posts are divided into Kyoto, Ise-Shima, the seminar in Tokyo, and a short conclusion. The reason I am going into such detail is simply that I have both colleagues and clients who have expressed a lot of interest in this trip, so this seems like the most efficient way to regale them with details! Where it was relevant, I highlighted passages that are applicable to our mindset as we organize. Let me also quote Eigen Onishi, one of the monks we met: “I have no intention whatsoever of preaching any doctrines during this special tour. I only wish to share with my guests some things that I have personally learned or realized. And if it could lift their spirits a little, or if it could quell an irritable mood that they were in, then that would be more than enough. So, I don’t have any kinds of guests whom I wish to invite, but I want many kinds of people to come and think that it is worth visiting.”

If you want to find out which are the truths and which is the lie, read on: Part 1 – Kyoto; Part 2 – Ise-Shima; Part 3 – Seminar; Conclusion.

Travel accessories, part 2

[Disclaimer: This post contains some affiliate links. This means that if you were to make a purchase on Amazon using one of those links, I would get a tiny commission, at no extra cost to you. I only recommend items that I own myself and am glad I bought!]

As a reminder, the first blog post I made about worthwhile travel accessories is here, and if you were to buy only one thing, it should be packing cubes. Or my printable packing list!

I bought several new-to-me things for my recent trip to Japan. I won’t talk much about the ones I didn’t like, beyond telling you not to bother with disposable water-less toothbrushes or individually wrapped towelettes. I think I’ll donate the ones I did not use; they’re just not for me. But here are some things that were absolutely worth it!

I’ve always disliked neck pillows: they are bulky, and I never got comfortable with them. They just go around your neck, and you can’t lean your head anywhere on it, right? I was always fine without it on domestic and short international flights. But this time, I had a 13-hour flight during which I *had* to sleep, and I was in a middle seat between strangers – no one to lean on, literally. So, I took a chance and bought a new-to-me model, the Trtl neck and travel pillow, which is not so much a pillow as it is head and neck support. There’s a band that wraps around your neck and secures with hook-and-loop closure, and a plastic structure inside that allows you to lean your head on it. I bought mine on Amazon because I wanted to be able to try it out before committing to it (if you buy straight from the retailer, it’s a bit less expensive, but once the package is open there are no returns or refunds). It turns out it was great! I was able to sleep relatively comfortably on my flight, it didn’t take up much space, and it has a travel pouch to keep it clean. I love it!

I decided to buy a new pair of pants to wear on the plane. I was a bit hesitant, because I was afraid the fabric wouldn’t be breathable, but it turns out this wasn’t an issue! I was comfortable the whole way, I knew I would be able to wash and dry the pants quickly if needed, and they had an elastic waist and pockets galore! As soon as she saw them, my mother-in-law wanted to know where I got them. I’m sure I’ll get a lot of use out of them!

I also bought a new travel wallet which had room for just about anything one might need: passport, credit cards, SIM card, pen, boarding pass, coins… This time, because it was a business trip during which I would have some personal expenses, I needed to have at least two credit cards with me, in addition to physical currency. This wallet was perfect! Plus, it blocks RFID, and it comes in lots of different colors.

I had heard of bar shampoo, obviously, but I didn’t realize they also made bar conditioner! I ended up getting some specifically made for curly hair, by Éthique (shampoo here and conditioner here). They smell like lemongrass, and I got some waterproof cases for easy transport. Not only were they nice to use, but they were easy to take with me in my carry-on without counting towards my limit of liquids!

I also got some laundry soap sheets that took up hardly any space! The downside is that they are so small that I had to use at least two just to wash a bra, but I loved having them and found them very convenient.

Finally, let me tell you about lens cleaning wipes. I always have a cleaning cloth on me for my glasses, but even then, there are times when you just get stubborn smudges on there that no cloth will get rid of! At home, I can just wash my glasses with soap and water, but on the go, that’s a different story. So I now love these wipes, because they take care of the problem easily! Plus, because they are individually wrapped, they are super easy to carry.

Organizing crafting supplies

There are lots of reasons why you might want to organize your crafting supplies. Maybe they take up too much space in your home, space that you could use for something else. Maybe you would save money if you didn’t end up buying the same things multiple times because you couldn’t find them when you needed them. Or maybe being less frustrated with your supplies would increase your enjoyment when you craft, making it more likely that you would complete your projects. The reason decluttering them gets tricky is that, by their very nature, crafting supplies spark joy!

How to choose what to declutter

First, get real about what you do. Is this a case of fantasy self, where you imagine a version of you scrapbooking, but in reality, you know you’ll never actually sit down and do it? Do you have enough supplies to sew several quilts, but really, you’ll never get around to making even one? Did you start a project that you are no longer excited about and don’t want to continue? It’s fine to let go of those supplies that can still be useful if YOU won’t use them. (I can also help find good homes for those items so they don’t end up in a landfill – I’ll give you some ideas below.) This helps make room for the supplies you will actually use!

Second, look at the leftovers from previous projects. If you have a yard of fabric left and really love it, it’s reasonable to think you will find a way to use it! But if all you have left are a few scraps, or less thread on your spool than it takes to fill a bobbin, please let it go. These items can be recycled responsibly, and getting rid of them will free up so much space! On the off chance that you then need to purchase something again, I guarantee you that the 20 minutes or $20 you spend doing it will be worth the extra space you’ll have after decluttering.

If there is anything clearly expired or unusable, like dried up paint, frayed or stained fabric, or paper with water damage, please let it go without guilt.

You can also assign yourself a specific project with a deadline. For example, if you love love making greeting cards and gift tags with odds and ends from various projects, gather ALL your scrap supplies and schedule a time to use them. Whatever is left over after that date goes – and then remember to actually use the cards!

Finally, you know which items were pleasant to work with and which were low-quality and made the experience frustrating. Recycle all those unreliable items and keep only the best, most useful ones.

How to store your crafting supplies

I always say that your things should be easily accessible. It may not be feasible to leave your sewing machine set up on a table at all times, but it can’t be stored away too far either, or you’ll get overwhelmed by the mere thought of setting it up!

A spare dresser is usually a great way to keep things accessible, but not in plain sight all the time. If you want to use labels, you can put them on the lip of the drawers so that they are only visible when the drawer is open – this will reduce visual clutter. You can also use stackable plastic drawers, or add an over-the-door storage rack in a closet or craft room.

Location is important as well. I love knitting, and I pretty much only knit when I’m in front of the television. So for me, it doesn’t make any sense to store my knitting supplies in a separate room – I store them in the living room, where they are easily accessible when I use them. That also limits how much I can own at any given time, because I don’t want the space to look messy!

Where to donate your discards

If the item can still be useful to crafters, you have several options. You could donate your supplies to schools or scout troops. You can also post them for free on Nextdoor or a local Facebook group.

In San Antonio, we have a second-hand store called Spare Parts which accepts donations of arts and craft supplies. If you want to find a good home for your discards while supporting a non-profit, this is a great place!

If you have a project that is unfinished due to disability or a loved one’s death, consider Loose Ends, which can match you up with a volunteer who will finish the project for you.

March may be National Craft Month, but it is always a good time to organize crafting supplies!

Gift Wrap Storage

This post contains one or two affiliate links with Amazon, which means that if you make a purchase using that link, I’d receive a small commission, at no cost to you. I do not have such a deal with The Container Store, though if you hire me to shop with you, I can get you my organizer discount on your purchase!

A common pain point, especially around Christmas, is how to store gift wrapping supplies. I’ve even met one person who is so unsure of how to deal with it that she actually throws everything away after Christmas and just buys new supplies every December. That’s certainly one way to deal with it, but let me help you be more efficient!

Declutter

The first step is to declutter what you own. I’m the type of person who always saves supplies if they are still in good condition, but I do get rid of those that are torn or wrinkled. I’ve also added a few reusable supplies, like furoshiki (squares of fabric) and cloth ribbon for wrapping gifts, alongside the usual disposable or recyclable supplies.

If you are trying to streamline what you own, consider creating a capsule of sorts. For example, if you were to buy plain red paper, you could use it for Christmas and Valentine’s Day as well as birthdays! You can also pick only wrapping paper that contains at least *some* red, and then as long as you have red ribbon and red gift tags, you’re all set! Limiting the colors of your supplies actually make them more versatile.

Store

As for storage, if you are low on space and/or budget, the easiest solution is to use a hanging garment bag for wrapping paper and perhaps a pants hanger for ribbon, as below. You might even have those supplies on hand already! If you have a lot of rolls of paper, consider subdividing them, such as one bag for Christmas and one bag for birthdays.

If you like this idea and want something that is more specialized, I recommend this hanging two-sided storage caddy. I love that it has space for bags and gift tags, and you could even store premade bows safely.

Another good way to store gift wrapping supplies is in a tote under your bed. You can opt for a canvas tote or a plastic one. Both allow you to store all your supplies in one spot, though I have a slight preference for the nesting boxes in the plastic tote, which will protect bows more adequately and help you keep accessories in their designated space.

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Another solution that doesn’t take up too much space is an over-the-door rack like this Elfa version, below. It fits behind most closet doors, and Elfa systems are highly customizable to your needs.

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Finally, if space and budget are not an issue, let me introduce you to the Cadillac of storage solutions: the Elfa Gift Wrap Cart below! I bought mine about 20 years ago and it’s still as good as new! I believe the price was lower back then, but I recommend that you wait for an Elfa sale before buying it. I haven’t labeled the drawers (because I’m basically the only member of my household who uses it), but the top one is for gift tags and scotch tape; the second one is ribbon; then tissue paper, bags, and boxes. And rolls of wrapping paper on the side. Wrapping gifts is such a joy when you’ve got a place for everything!

Owning well - Saving money by investing in quality

In a society often driven by instant gratification and disposability, not to mention the planned obsolescence of electronics, the concept of “owning well” stands as a refreshing alternative. At its core, owning well is about making thoughtful purchasing decisions, opting for high-quality items that are built to last, and taking proper care of them throughout their lifespan. In essence, buy the best you can afford and care for it.  By embracing this mindset, not only can we elevate our everyday experience, but we can also save money in the long run.

Choosing quality over quantity

In a consumer-driven society, it’s easy to fall into the trap of buying cheap and disposable products. (To be fair, that can be a fine thing if we indeed intend to own the item only for a short while or want to try it out before committing, though in that case, buying it secondhand or borrowing it would be preferable.) However, these “bargain” purchases can end up costing us more over time when we have to replace them.

Owning well begins with breaking free from the cycle of mindless consumption and shifting our focus toward investing in quality. When purchasing an item, whether it’s clothing, electronics, or household goods, aim to buy the best version that your budget allows. Look for well-constructed products made from durable materials that are less likely to wear out or break. Though the initial cost may be higher, the longevity and performance of a well-made item will ultimately outweigh the cost of frequently replacing cheaper alternatives – assuming the cheap item even works as intended in the first place!

When my then-fiancé (now-husband) and I moved in together, we had a cheap stand-mixer that we had bought for $30. Not only did it not actually function as a stand mixer (the paddle or whisk was stationary and therefore could never reach the entire bowl), but it died after just a year or two. We then bought a Kitchen Aid stand mixer. Yes, it was almost ten times the price, but this workhorse performs beautifully and, after almost 15 years, it is still just as good as the day we bought it! Plus, it looks fantastic on our kitchen counter and brings me joy whenever I look at it.

Another example? I’ve noticed that the toys from the dollar store are always the first to break – then there might be tears and frustration from the kids, and really, it would have been better to either not buy anything, or to spend more and buy something of higher quality.

The economics of owning well

While owning well may require a larger upfront investment, it promises significant financial benefits in the long term. Consider, for instance, the cost of constantly replacing low-quality goods versus owning a few well-crafted items that withstand the test of time. You could buy dozens of cheap, trendy T-shirts that fall apart after a few washes, or a few quality T-shirts in a classic style that wear well and that you will own for years. Plus, from an organizing standpoint, I can tell you that running your home will be much more efficient without all that extra stuff in the way.

By opting for quality, we reduce the need for frequent replacements, eliminating the ongoing expenditure on subpar products. The cost per use of each item decreases with a long-lasting quality item! And overall, we consume less.

The art of proper care

Owning well goes beyond making wise purchases; it also involves nurturing and caring for our possessions. Taking the time to maintain and repair our belongings ensures their longevity and maximizes their value, even making them potential assets for resale or reuse. In the case of those t-shirts, separating colors, washing in cool water on delicate, and air-drying will help them last longer; they could even be in good enough condition that you might resell them or at least donate them instead of recycling or trashing them, extending their life cycle that much further.

Each item requires its own specific care routine, whether it’s cleaning delicate fabrics, servicing mechanical goods, or avoiding exposure to harsh elements. By understanding and following the manufacturer’s guidelines, we can prolong the lifespan of our possessions and derive maximum utility from them. I’m thinking about a pair of leather shoes that not only will last longer than synthetic leather, but will also last longer if the leather is properly moisturized and protected and if the shoes are resoled, which would not be effective on a pair of cheap shoes.

Owning well: a holistic lifestyle

In a society characterized by constant trends and rapid obsolescence, owning well can grant us a sense of stability, control, and appreciation for the things we possess. From well-made clothing that withstands changing fashion fads to long-lasting tools that facilitate our passions, owning well redefines our relationship with our belongings and the value we get from them.

Embracing the concept of owning well extends beyond material possessions. It fosters a mindset of intentionality and aligns with conscious consumption. When we actively choose to buy quality items and care for them properly, we engage in a lifestyle that values durability, craftsmanship, and long-term satisfaction. Owning well not only saves us money, but also allows us to embrace a more sustainable and environmentally friendly lifestyle.

Conclusion

Owning well is a mindset that challenges us to break free from throwaway culture. By investing in quality items and nurturing them throughout their lifetime, we not only enrich our daily lives, but also save money in the process. This paradigm shift toward thoughtful consumption allows us to embrace a more sustainable lifestyle while reaping the rewards of durability, functionality, and long-term satisfaction.

So, let us make a conscious choice to own well, cherish our possessions, and redefine our relationship with the material world. It takes practice! By doing so, we can find fulfillment in having fewer, but higher-quality, items that accompany us throughout our life. Invest in quality, care with intention, and savor the rewards of owning well!

Ikigai and purpose

There’s a Venn diagram that’s been popularized to explain ikigai. I don’t want to post it, because as it turns out, it’s totally inaccurate, but you can see a detailed version of it here. I’m not an expert on the concept, but I wanted to blog about it because it seems to come up for KonMari® Consultants and their clients, what with Marie Kondo being Japanese and all.

According to Ken Mogi, author of Awakening Your Ikigai: How the Japanese Wake Up to Joy and Purpose Every Day, “ikigai” literally translates to “reason to live”. While it can give a sense of purpose to individuals, it applies to small moments (like the glimmers I talked about in my September newsletter) as well as to big life achievements. There are five pillars to ikigai:

1-      Starting small (focusing on the details)

2-      Releasing yourself (accepting who you are)

3-      Harmony and sustainability (relying on others)

4-      The joy of little things (accepting sensory pleasure)

5-      Being in the here and now (finding your flow)

I made the Venn diagram below based on the one created by Andres Zuzunaga to describe purpose. (It was in 2014 that Marc Winn used it and replaced the word “purpose” with “ikigai”, at which point it became viral, but the meaning of ikigai was thus very much westernized.)

I very much like Zuzunaga’s Venn diagram for purpose, and even though it’s a simplified vision of work and labor, it can help people align their actions with their values. For me, being a professional organizer falls right in the middle of that diagram!

As Helena Escalante explains, ikigai “is about being mindful and present, enjoying the little things that make up the moment we are living in, and finding our flow as we get lost in the appreciation of the details.” It does not have to do with money or one’s career, and it’s not necessarily about what the world needs and or what we’re good at – it’s more about what we enjoy enough that it motivates us to keep going. It can overlap with purpose, but it is not limited by it.

I hope this post helped to clear up some confusion!

Keeping counters clear

I am going to be brutally honest and vulnerable here… My kitchen counter was a mess. Not the whole counter, mind you, just the part of it that was on the edge between the kitchen and the living area, right next to the pantry. But things had begun piling up, and the law of entropy kicked in – once things start piling up, the pile attracts more and more things. It’s just physics. It goes beyond “flat surfaces are clutter magnets” because once the first few items have been set down, your brain unconsciously sees it as an invitation to just put more stuff there (one or two more things won’t matter, right?), and then it’s a complete mess.

So when I absolutely couldn’t stand it anymore, I did the only reasonable thing: I took myself on as a client. Meaning, I stopped just letting this pain point exist, I detached myself from the situation, and I looked at it the same way I would look at a client’s kitchen to come up with a solution. Here’s my process.

1- What types of items are on this counter?

Figuring out what types of items make up the clutter is crucial to figuring out how to stop them from piling up! In this case, I had two big categories: electronics (that spot is where we put the tablets and chargers because it’s super convenient) and pantry overflow (things that had not been put away in the pantry properly). The pantry overflow started because I had a big canister that I meant to replace with a smaller one, but I procrastinated and left it out on the counter. Clutter is just unmade decisions, right? And from that moment onward, various items that belonged in the pantry just settled down to live on the counter with the big canister – either they didn’t make it back into the pantry after being used, or they were not put away with the rest of the groceries.

2- Figure out a solution for those types of items!

Alright, the electronics are there to stay, so let’s make it work. I went to The Container Store and looked at a bunch of trays and shallow bins before settling on a water hyacinth basket that looked good to me. Now, the tablets and chargers live in that basket. This works because not only do things stay corralled in there, but they also visually come across as having been put away where they belong rather than left out on a countertop.

As for the pantry overflow, I finally got that smaller canister that fits in the pantry. A few items were consumed as intended, some were returned where they belong, and I made a larger spot in the pantry for backstock to help prevent this situation.

3- Evaluate the solution

To prove my point that clutter attracts clutter, I didn’t tell my family members what I was doing, nor did I give them specific instructions for maintenance. They liked the basket and instinctively understood that electronics go in there. Because there was no clutter on the counter, things no longer piled up there unnoticed. After two weeks, I took another picture to show how it’s going. Two extra things made their way back: one is my husband’s glass of water, which he just always puts down in that spot, and that’s fine. The other is a bottle of supplements to stir in water for one of our kids – it’s just way more practical to have it there instead of in the dining room with the other supplements, so that’s where it lives now. And that’s it!

4- Tweak as needed

Things change in our life – right now we’re in a season where we use those supplements, but eventually we won’t need them anymore. Maybe it’ll be something else left out on the counter instead, and we’ll have to tweak the system to suit our situation at that point. Or maybe I would have needed to reevaluate the solutions I came up with if they had not been working well for us – that happens, and it’s normal. But I think we’ve got it handled for now!

Worthwhile travel accessories

[This post contains affiliate links. This means that if you use my link to make a purchase, I get a very small commission, at no extra cost to you. I only recommend items that I own myself and that I am glad I bought!]

Packing

I recently went on a trip to Europe with my family, so I had the opportunity to test some new travel gear, and I decided to share what I found useful. First, as I said in a previous blog post, I wholeheartedly stand by my dual-sided compression packing cubes. Not only do they help keep everything organized in my suitcase, they also help clothes take up a bit less space! I actually tried compression bags (the kind that have a one-way valve so that you can roll them up and expel air from them), but the cubes are definitely my favorite. They accomplish the same thing, but have the advantage of looking good and being much more practical in both open and closed states, so I’m sticking with them. I slip an AirTag in each suitcase, which gives me peace of mind by letting me track my belongings. I also like using TSA-approved combination locks, which make my life easier because I don’t have to also keep track of a key. Pro tip: Use the same code for all your locks.

The easiest way to travel light is to bring fewer clothes than you need for the trip and do laundry on the go. I love having my laundry travel kit for just this purpose! It also comes in handy if I (or one of my kids) get a stain and we need to treat it as soon as possible, before the trip is over.

Toiletries

As for toiletries, anything that comes in a gel form (moisturizer, shampoo and conditioner, hair lotion, etc.) goes into Go Toob + silicone bottles, which have a wide mouth that makes filling them (and cleaning them) easy. Meanwhile, true liquids (like mouthwash) go in Nalgene bottles. Both of these are completely leak-proof, and I am particularly happy to have found those Nalgene bottles – everything I had tried previously for mouthwash had leaked, but these are perfect! I then put my toiletries and personal care items in my Bagsmart toiletry bag, which has convenient clear compartments, multiple zippers, and is easy to hang behind a door.

Purse

I needed a cross-body bag big enough to carry my essentials (like a purse but also for travel items like water, sunscreen, passports, etc.); however, it had to be small enough that I could take it with me into museums and churches, where backpacks or large purses are not allowed. So I bought this medium-sized Travelon anti-theft cross-body bag and loved it! It was absolutely perfect for my needs, and I even had extra room in there for a few souvenirs. It doubled as my personal item on the plane. It was very useful during this trip and a great investment for future ones! I also got an RFID card holder so that I could carry an ID card, a few credit cards, and some cash, without the bulk of the rest of my wallet.

Children’s safety

Finally, if you have children older than 4 and want to keep them safe in vehicles, get a MiFold seat. This ingenious device folds up very small, and helps adjust a vehicle’s seatbelt to be safe for smaller kids, so that you don’t have to worry in a rental car or cab. I’ve used them for the past 6 years and absolutely love them! This time around, I also tested out SafetyTats, which I actually used on my kids’ clothing instead of on their skin. It allows me to write down a phone number when I can be reached in case we ever got separated, and the adhesive worked incredibly well – I could remove it from one shirt and apply it to another for a whole week!

The ongoing cost of ownership

Sometimes, people are reluctant to get rid of items they own because they paid a lot of money for them. I’m talking here about items that are no longer useful or loved or important, but are kept simply because the owner perceives them, rightly or not, as valuable. After all, why would you get rid of something if you paid a lot of money for it? Well, I can see that point, but… Have you ever thought about the ongoing cost of ownership?

First of all, an item takes up space. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a grand piano or a diamond ring, it takes up space in your home, and you pay for space. If it’s a piano, the amount of space is significant! Think about what else you could do with that space if the piano that you don’t use weren’t there. Could you turn that room into a dining room? A home office? A reading nook? Do you have so many unused large items that you are essentially paying rent or a mortgage for a room you don’t need? Are you getting your money’s worth from your space?

This photo was taken by Geert Pieters for Unsplash.

Plus, any object needs to be managed. You have to clean it, clean around or under it, maintain it, repair it, insure it, pick it up and put it away… It costs you time and energy, in addition to mental bandwidth! Managing this item will cost you, and you need to make sure that the cost is worth it in this season of your life.

Then it comes down to the sunk cost fallacy. When we have invested heavily in an item (because we paid a lot of money for it, because we believe that someday we will use up all those scrapbooking supplies, etc.), we are reluctant to let it go, even when we know that letting it go would be more beneficial than keeping it.

This photo was taken by volodymyr proskurovskyi for Unsplash.

There are two quotes on this topic that I’d like to share, and I say variations of these things to my clients often. First, Peter Walsh wants us to keep in mind that just as “inexpensive is not a good reason to buy something, expensive is not a good reason to keep something.” Also, Cassandra Aarssen says, “Remember that the money you spent on your item is gone. You will not be richer because you store this item in your home, and you won’t be poorer if you let it go.”

An obvious solution, in those cases, is to sell the item. Or at least, it seems easy in theory, but is less so in practice. Ask yourself whether selling the object is really worth your time and effort. Will you post pictures of it online and field inquiries from people who might be interested, or pay to ship it to the buyer? Will you really have a yard sale or go to multiple consignment stores? Will you be satisfied with getting only a fraction of your money back after all that effort? If yes, then go for it!

Here’s another solution: look at the cost you already paid as a rental fee. You’ve gotten whatever use you were going to get out of this, and now it’s time to let it go. If you must try to sell it, give yourself a deadline after which you will just donate it. Move it along to its next owner, and your payment will be the peace this brings into your life. Besides, the money you spent on it is gone already, even if you were to keep the item! At least this way you get your life back.

This photo was taken by Fuu J for Unsplash.

The container concept

When you are trying to organize your space, it’s important to have a plan of attack. One of the most useful tools I share with my clients is the container concept, or having a space budget. In this blog post, I’ll explain what the container concept is, how it works, and why it’s essential for home organization.

The container concept: what is it?

Simply put, the container concept is the idea that every item in your home should have a designated spot, or “container”. I love organizer Peter Walsh’s famous quote, “Where is it going to live?” I try to keep it in mind whenever I acquire something. Whether that container is a physical bin or a shelf, drawer, or simply a place by the door, it’s important to assign a specific space to every item in your home. By doing so, you can keep your belongings organized and minimize clutter.

This photo was taken by tatiana syrikova For Pexels. Notice how this doesn’t look cluttered, because each object has been intentionally placed.

How it works

The container concept works by applying a few simple principles:

1 – Assess your space. Before you begin organizing, take a close look at the space you have available. Determine what areas need organization the most and how much storage you have to work with.

2 – Make a list of all the items you’ll be organizing. This will help you determine not only what can realistically fit in a designated space, but also what containers or storage solutions you’ll need.

3 – Designate a container. For each item on your list, designate a specific container or spot. This could be a shelf, a drawer, a bin, or any other type of storage solution.

4 – Stick to your space budget. This means that the amount of space you have available for each category of items is limited – if you exceed it, you end up with clutter. For example, you might allocate one drawer for all your socks, or one bookcase for all your books. By sticking to your “container” (the drawer or bookcase), your stuff is contained and can stay organized. If it exceeds those boundaries, that’s when it gets in your way and ends up being clutter – you’ll need to get rid of some items then. Sticking to the one-in-one-out rule makes this easier!

5 – Adapt as needed. The container concept can absolutely be flexible. If you find that a container isn’t working for a particular item, or that you actually need more (or less!) space for a category of items, don’t be afraid to adjust your organization plans.

This photo was taken by kelly sikkema for Unsplash. Markers and pens are corralled in this jar, so they are easy to find; it also serves as a visual reminder that there are enough pens and markers and no new ones need to be purchased.

Why it’s important

The container concept is an essential tool for home organization because it creates a structured system for your belongings. This approach prevents clutter by setting limits on how much space you have available for each category of items. By sticking to your space budget, you can avoid the temptation to accumulate more stuff than your home can handle. Moreover, by assigning a designated spot for everything, you can easily keep track of your belongings and find what you need quickly (not to mention, you now know exactly where to put it back). Apply the container concept in your home to experience the benefits of an organized space!

8 Organization Hacks for Families with Kids

As any parent knows, keeping a home organized and orderly is no small feat, especially when kids are involved! From toys and clothes to school supplies and sports gear, kids tend to come with a lot of stuff that can quickly take over the house. Fortunately, with a few smart organization hacks, it’s possible to maintain a tidy, clutter-free home even with children around.

Here are some of my top organization hacks for families with kids!

 1-      Create designated toy zones. Instead of letting toys take over the entire house, consider creating specific zones where they can be stored and played with. This could be a toy chest or pull-out drawers in the living room, a playroom with shelves or cubbies, or a basket in a corner of your child’s bedroom. By keeping toys contained to specific areas of the house, you can both keep things tidy and help your kids stay more focused during playtime. This also prevents a collection of toys from growing out of control, since it sets a limit to how many toys they can have – when toys no longer fit in the designated space, you must get rid of some of them.

2-      Use storage bins and baskets. Bins and baskets in various sizes are a great tool for organizing all sorts of items, from blankets and throw pillows to stuffed animals and small toys. Consider getting a few different types – some with lids for items that need to be hidden away, and others that are more open and accessible. You can have your kids help you label the bins and baskets with words or pictures to make it easier for them to put things back where they belong. (I recommend having no more than a few different types of containers in the same space, though, to keep the overall look cohesive.)

3-      Install hooks. Whether you’re dealing with backpacks, jackets, or sports gear, having plenty of hooks around the house can go a long way in keeping things organized. Consider installing hooks in your child’s bedroom, in the entryway or mudroom, and in the garage. You can even get creative with the placement and appearance – for example, you could hang a few hooks on a reclaimed wooden board and mount it to the wall for a rustic-chic look. Just make sure that the hooks are low enough for the kids to reach!

4-      Simplify your child’s wardrobe. Kids can accumulate an impressive number of clothes, but just like us, they tend to wear the same few items over and over again. To cut down on clutter and simplify your child’s morning routine, consider curating their wardrobe to include only their favorite pieces, making sure that everything fits them and that they have enough seasonally appropriate items. You can also try doing a capsule wardrobe by choosing a limited number of pieces that can be mixed and matched to create a variety of outfits. (I like to buy my sons neutral pants and colorful shirts, so they can’t really go wrong when they get dressed by themselves.)

5-      Utilize vertical space. Even if your home is on the larger side, it’s important to make use of every inch of space you have. Consider using vertical space to your advantage by installing shelves or cubbies, or even hanging a shoe organizer on the back of your children’s bedroom door. This is a great way to store items that might otherwise take up valuable floor space.

6-      Get creative with labeling. Labels are a great way to keep your home organized, but they don’t have to be boring! You can use fun graphics or assign colors to different categories (like green for sports gear, blue for sidewalk chalk and bubble wands, and so on). You can even have your kids help you design the labels as a fun family activity.

7-      Make cleaning up fun. It’s important to remember that organization doesn’t have to be a chore. Get kids involved in keeping the house tidy by turning it into a game or a race, or play upbeat music while you work. By making organization a positive experience, you’ll all be more likely to stick with it long term. You’re also instilling good habits in your kids and teaching them life skills.

8-      Have a donation bin. Use a large box (such as this one) to store any clothes, toys, and books that have been outgrown. Once it’s full, donate the contents!

In conclusion, keeping your home organized with kids can be a challenge, but with a few smart hacks and a little creativity, it’s absolutely doable. By creating designated toy zones, using storage baskets and hooks, simplifying your child’s wardrobe, utilizing vertical space, labeling, and making clean-up fun and practical, you can maintain a tidy, clutter-free home that’s both functional and beautiful. Remember, organization isn’t a chore, it’s what makes your life easier!

Marie Kondo has no time to tidy

I’ve been hearing a lot in the past week or two about Marie Kondo and how she no longer has time to tidy now that she has three kids. However, the way most people seem to be reacting (with glee or a “gotcha!” attitude almost like schadenfreude) makes me feel like they never understood what she was about in the first place.

Photo courtesy of KonMari Media, Inc.

To give you some context, this came about after the publication of her latest book, Kurashi at Home, which is all about achieving one’s ideal lifestyle. Let me quote a recent Washington Post article:

“Kondo says her life underwent a huge change after she had her third child, and external tidying has taken a back seat to the business of life. ‘My home is messy, but the way I am spending my time is the right way for me at this time at this stage of my life,’ she said through an interpreter at a recent media webinar and virtual tea ceremony. […] Kondo says that, for many, the perfectly organized space is not realistic. ‘Up until now, I was a professional tidier, so I did my best to keep my home tidy at all times,’ she said at the event. ‘I have kind of given up on that in a good way for me. Now I realize what is important to me is enjoying spending time with my children at home.’”

You see, while the media and general public has long focused on the decluttering part of her message, Marie Kondo does not consider herself a minimalist. As a matter of fact, the second rule of the KonMari Method® is to imagine your ideal lifestyle. This means that before even getting rid of anything, Marie Kondo suggest that we identify exactly what we want to move towards, then make room for that not just in our space, but in our life as well.

There’s an added difficulty here because of the English translation of her first book – The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. To me, “tidying” is something that you do before someone comes over for dinner, by putting things back in their place. But in this context, tidying was opposed to cleaning, meaning that cleaning confronts us to nature (things get dirty and must be cleaned), whereas in tidying, we are confronted to ourselves (why do I own all these things in the first place?). This is the premise of the Tidying Festival, in which we assess all our belongings. And it is NOT the same thing as “being tidy” in the sense that our environment is not messy!

So, all this to say that Marie Kondo has gone through a major life transition in becoming a mother. Her priorities have shifted, and she is still leading her ideal life – it’s just that now, she wants to spend her time caring for her children instead of tidying up, and that’s normal. If anything, she’s staying true to her core philosophy of following her ideal lifestyle. I mean, this is someone who, when she was single, would clean out her purse entirely each evening. To which I say, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” And now that she has other responsibilities, she agrees.

It is also during major life transitions that most people hire professional organizers and other outside help. Many of my clients are parents to young children, have recently moved, or were widowed, and that’s when they just get overwhelmed because they don’t have as much time or energy to put into creating the physical environment they want. Priorities shift, needs change, and that’s normal.

Books

A while back, I saw this t-shirt with a dragon that said, “It’s not hoarding if it’s books.” And in that moment, I couldn’t help but agree!

Obviously, there can be such a thing as too many books, but most of the time, people love each one of them so much! The problem is that for many, getting rid of books is heartbreaking, because books are not just paper – they are sentimental objects. The Washington Post had a good article about this recently, with author Fran Lebowitz as one of the subjects – she owns 12,000 books! At that point, I imagine that they would become clutter, in the sense that they would physically be in the way of her living her best life. She can’t bear to part with them, but it’s interesting that she is aware of the issue enough to have designated book heirs in her will.

Our collection of books often represents who we are, or at least who we hope to be, and the fact that we want to expand our mind is a good thing. When author Laura Lippman was faced with this, she had a realization. “Studying my shelves, I realized there were four categories: books I had read and may one day reread, those I had not read but hoped to, those I had read but was never going to reread, and those I was never going to read. The next thing I knew, I had gone into a culling frenzy, pulling almost 100 books in the latter two ­categories.”

There’s a Japanese term that I want to bring up here: tsundoku. According to that article, “it’s a noun that describes a person who buys books and doesn’t read them, and then lets them pile up on the floor, on shelves, and assorted pieces of furniture.” To me, that is the line in the sand:  a tsundoku acquires books almost mindlessly, and perhaps that compulsion could be focused on other objects instead. It’s no longer about the individual books, but about amassing objects without using them. Books are meant to be read!

I advocate mindfulness, in the sense that I recommend you be both aware and honest with yourself. Be aware of how much space your books are taking up versus how much space you would actually rather use for something else. Be honest with yourself about how many books you will have time to read, or whether you really want to indefinitely keep a certain volume that you’ve already read. (The answer can be yes, but not if the whole book collection grows unchecked.)

Marie Kondo says that a book is meant to be read when it comes into your life, so she believes that you should not have a pile of books to read. I must say that this is a point on which I disagree with her! It wouldn’t make sense to go through your pantry or freezer and get rid of everything you don’t plan on eating this very week, right? I feel that it’s the same for books. I love having a small pile of books that I’m looking forward to reading! The trick is simply to keep it manageable. For example, if you read a book a month and have a pile of two dozen books, that means it would take you two years to get through that pile, assuming that you didn’t buy or receive any new books in the meantime (and that’s not exactly a reasonable assumption). You could ask yourself whether each of those books still interests you as much as when you first got it, or if perhaps some of them have been made into movies that you could watch instead. You can also make more time to read.

When it comes to donating books, I find that it’s become harder to do lately. There’s a surprising number of non-profits or charitable organizations that give books or need books, but will only accept brand-new ones, not pre-owned, even if they are in great condition! You could consider sending books to prisoners or troops. You can pass books on to friends who might enjoy them, or sell them at a second-hand bookstore (just make sure you don’t walk out of there with more than you came in!). I also donate books to my local library; some people donate to hospitals, retirement homes, schools, or daycare centers. If you have a Little Free Library near you, that’s a perfect spot as well! As for Laura Lippman, she started a subscription service to mail off her books. “It wasn’t my books that defined me, that shaped the writer I’ve become. It was what was in them—and what is now in me. My memory is a poor one, but I retain from books what I need to retain, usually one perfect image or a dazzling passage. Books deserve to be read, not preserved on shelves where they won’t be cracked open again in one’s lifetime. It’s a mitzvah to pass along titles that I love, a way of playing matchmaker between great writers and avid readers.”

Care tasks are neutral

I recently listened to a really great episode of the podcast Ten Percent Happier, titled Messiness Is Not a Moral Failing, with therapist KC Davis (of Struggle Care) as a guest. I’d like to give you some takeaways from the episode as well as my opinion on it.

KC Davis Author Photo 2022 © Julie Soefer

First, let’s define an important term: “care tasks.” Care tasks are things that we need to do to maintain our home/ourselves, but they are never finished in that they are cyclical. For example, I could wash all the dishes and be done with that task (until the next meal, that is), but while I did that, the kids made a mess with their toys. If I pick it up, there will still be the bathroom to clean and the laundry to do, and while I was taking care of that, the dust was settling in the bedroom and the grass was getting long outside… You see where I’m going with this? There’s always something to be done, and that’s alright – we have to learn to live with that.

So, care tasks should be neutral. What I mean by that, what this whole episode was about, is that we often feel guilty or ashamed for not doing enough of those tasks, or we force ourselves to do them a certain way to live up to imaginary standards. Not doing the dishes doesn’t make one a bad person, just like doing all of them doesn’t make one more virtuous. If this is a pain point for you, ask yourself why you want the dishes done in the first place. Strictly speaking, what you *need* are enough clean dishes to eat and prepare meals; that’s the basic health and safety issue. Perhaps the sight of dirty dishes also bothers you, and you would be more comfortable without them in the way. Some people are happier cleaning as they go, so that they never have dirty dishes pile up; other people will be stressed out by that and will be happier setting aside a chunk of time to tackle everything (or at least the essentials) at the end of the day. The trick is to stop passing judgement on ourselves for having dirty dishes in the first place, and to learn to be at peace with whatever system we choose for cleaning dishes. If it’s the sight of dirty dishes in the sink that bothers you, but you can’t clean as you go for whatever reason, then we can come up with other solutions, like storing dirty dishes in the dishwasher, or even rinsing dishes and storing them in a drying rack until they can be washed properly, thus freeing up your sink in the meantime. The point is to reassess your priorities and put your energy where it will have the most impact.

As another example, so many people feel ashamed of their clothes chair, but I think you should embrace it if it’s functional! Remember that you don’t exist to serve your space, but your space exists to serve you. So we need to create systems that are functional for *you*, even if that’s not the way you were taught that things *should* be. I have a client who stores her young daughter’s clothes in the closet of the main bedroom, because that’s just where her daughter gets dressed anyway and that’s what works for them. I have a friend who doesn't fold any clothes for her family of 6 because she absolutely hates folding, and everyone still has clean clothes to wear every day (taken from a bin or a hanger). Sometimes there can also be a problem to solve, like if your dirty clothes always end up on the floor of the bathroom instead of in the hamper in the bedroom. Then I’d say to simply put the hamper in the bathroom (and even consider a lidless hamper, because for some people, removing that little obstacle can make all the difference).

Any change that we want to bring to our life should come from a place of caring for ourselves and should bring joy to our life. Take the pressure off and know that you are worthy of resting! For me, cooking is like that – I don’t necessarily enjoy the act of cooking, but I do like eating well, so cooking most of my own food improves my life in that way. My “hack” is that I always cook enough food to have leftovers for a second meal. So I put in about the same effort, but reap twice the rewards, and because I don’t mind leftovers, this works for me. I have redefined the goal to what serves me (i.e., having nourishing food instead of cooking from scratch every single night). Redefining the goal to something that is realistic and functional for *us* is key!

Another thing that struck me is that KC Davis doesn’t believe that laziness exists. Some people won’t do a particular task because they have ADHD, depression, or a physical illness; some are in a season of their life where they must care for small children or are grieving; others get overwhelmed by the thought of starting a task or simply have different priorities. In any case, we should feel self-compassion instead of shame, and aim for good enough instead of perfect. It’s also really important to do that work in order to figure out to what extent clutter bothers you – do the sight and chaos of it truly overwhelm you, or were you just worried about what others might think if they were to see it? I’m all about making things functional before making them look good, so if you can still find everything despite a little clutter, then don’t beat yourself up about it.

Some care tasks can be outsourced. Decluttering is a care task too. We all have to declutter periodically (yes, even me!), and us professional organizers are in a good position to be non-judgmental with our clients and their clutter. I tend to see it as problem-solving. Some clients want me to set up a system that they can maintain themselves, while others need me for periodic maintenance. It’s fine either way – I’m happy to help!

The junk drawer

I recently saw this Etsy listing for a junk drawer starter kit, containing batteries, rubber bands, matches, a screwdriver, a flashlight, scissors, tape, and a pen. At first I laughed, but then realized that the things in there were useful and, therefore, this was not necessarily a gag gift. But it also made me want to define exactly what a junk drawer is.

photo taken by Karolina Grabowska for Pexels.

According to Wiktionary, a “junk drawer” is a “drawer designated for the storage of various miscellaneous, small, occasionally useful items of little value.” The reason I don’t really like the term “junk drawer” is because to me, “junk” makes it sound like useless stuff, whereas in people’s homes, the contents of the junk drawer are actually useful!

The mid-century modern furniture company Joybird conducted a survey of 1,900 people in 2020 and determined the top 10 items that people keep in their junk drawer, which are (in order): tape, pens, spare batteries, scissors, flashlights, glue, paper clips, matches, rubber bands, and keys.

Infographic reprinted with permission from Joybird.

So here’s the thing: even though I consider myself to be someone who does not have a junk drawer, I do have all of these items in my home – they are just not stored together. I have a home office (albeit in an open area), so office supplies like tape, pens, scissors, glue, and paper clips are stored there. I keep the flashlight and spare batteries in the hall closet, the rubber bands in the pantry, and the matches (along with birthday candles) in a high cupboard out of reach of the kids. In the kitchen, I do have a small drawer of miscellaneous useful items such as masking tape and a marker (to label things going into the freezer), kitchen twine, bag clips, and a first aid kit, but to me that’s a utility drawer, not a junk drawer. It’s all in the wording, right?

The important thing is for every item to have a place, so that you know just where to look for them (and put them away). I love using small trays such as these to corral small items in place. Small trays allow you to customize your drawer, and designating a home for your items keeps order in the drawer and helps you find things more quickly. You can also use small boxes, lids, or even mismatched saucers. If you’re like me and like to label all the things, consider clip labels made specifically for drawer organizers! Labels aren’t necessarily for you so much as for the other members of your household to know where to put things back, instead of just tossing them in there and shutting the drawer.

 Here’s to making peace with your junk drawer!